Stuck-in-the-mud banjo blues

I’m running on low today. I’m feeling ready for a change of pace. August came and went. September’s about to go too, and I’m starting to get a tires-spinning-in-the-mud feeling.

The good news is: my jubilant friend and I are putting up a creative work in a few weeks (which includes guest appearances by near-as-sisters buds, and a parental visit); I’ve started playing the banjo; I miss dancing and performing just enough so that I might actually get my butt into at least one class a week; my Vipassana course is edging nearer; I’m calling a farm to see about an apprenticeship this week.

Some pieces are about to get moving… I hope.

New Poem

This happened to me on Saturday.

UNTITLED (for now)

The coming and going of the moon
bright and soft in the coming
fire and haze in the going.

She crept out along the clean, fog of day
singing in opulent shades
of morning wind.
Bowling me over at a glance.

She took the long way ‘round
a rolling curve
to flee rivers of sunlight
and meet me in the crook of
stars and city lights.

In resonant burnt orange tones
she left me a path to sail upon
and I drifted back to her, singing
“Hiiiiii(gh)!”

The coming and going of the moon
opal and allure in the coming
rapturous and obscure in the going.

Stewing

Been a while… I’ve been distracted. It’s the um, birds…

Nostalgia sets in. Yerba mate and Correo Aero and the nearing return of a soul chunk. The smell of the Headlands. Golden light in the grass.

My life feels a bit like stew right now. Everything’s thrown in and mashed together. Each bight renders a different flavor, reminiscent of the focal stew essence. It’s pretty delicious. I hope that others might also receive even a hint of these flavors. They’re of a variety that ought to be shared.

The Birds...

Sing songs...

I like it.

Scramble Head

Jealousy seems to have become directionlessness and groundlessness. Those ness-ish-type words.

Do you ever feel like you’re speaking a completely incomprehensible language?

Do you ever judge people for judging people? And then judge yourself in turn for judging them?

I know I’ll make it back to loving kindness by the end of this ditty. The dance-along may be a bit hectic, the pre-conceptions a bit rigid, but we’ll sing it all out. The human beings know more than we give them credit for. Find their little lights and you’ll beam all day and night. I have more than a few friends that would grab my hand if I needed something to hold on to. Each breath that enters and exits my lungs sounds like waves. My day name is DoveTree. I’m remembering the lighter side...

Pangs

Part II:

I am feeling jealous…

In this particular moment, this is what jealousy feels like:

I have a cloud looming over my head, zapping me with lightning every time I move. Usually the zaps are small, but occasionally the charge is so high that I feel paralyzed, dominated, stripped of my core. Pretty fucking lousy.

So this is where I am. Feeling unpleasant feelings. They are just feelings. They provide me with an opportunity, an awakening of the heart. Though lightning is dangerous, I can also use it as a source of power and strength, if I can learn to let it run through my body without hindering the flow. There is more to me than these jealous feelings.

Soulstice Journey :P

Yesterday, the summer solstice (the longest day of the year), I did the ritual circumambulation of Mount Tamalpais. A group of 40 or 50 of us took about 10 hours to walk a 15-mile path around the mountain, with stops for lunch and chanting around chosen sacred points along the way. The idea was to walk silently, though people became more and more chatty by the end.

It was… long. 15 miles is a long walk for a body out of practice in walking long distances. It was also stunning. The landscape in this particular area is so varied, I felt like I had gone through several worlds by the time we made it back to Muir Woods parking lot. It was also healing. A chance to be with good friends and be silent.

By the end it seemed like my mind had walked about 3 times the distance that my feet had. I would like to get back to meditating more regularly, and this walk reminded me of that.

What a blessing to spend the solstice on a journey with people I love dearly!